Dear J.T. & Dale: I have 14 years' experience in sales and marketing. Most recently, I was with an event-management company. I'd completed several successful projects and then suddenly was let go. I asked for the reason, but they just said that maybe the wavelength did not match. I would like to mention that I believe in doing my work and not just to please somebody. My director (CEO's daughter-in-law) always had juniors around her saying, "Yes, ma'am." You know how some people work, but I cannot (it's not in my genes). Could this be the reason? - A.J.
J.T.: It's always difficult to accept being let go, especially when you feel you don't know why.
Dale: There was, of course, the "wavelength" business, but that smacks of the sort of vague excuse that managers use when they don't want to own up to the truth. It could just be that the boss wanted one of those toadying juniors in the role, or, when it's a family business, perhaps a nephew or cousin needed a job.
J.T.: True, but we still need to explore those "wavelengths," A.J. I can tell that you have a gut feeling about what went wrong, and those feelings are worth exploring.
Dale: Particularly when you get defensive and go to some version of "that's just not me." The deeper truth is that we all have many me's. I urge you to examine that mysterious can't-say-ma'am gene. And while you're at it, examine that other gene, the one preventing you from pleasing someone.
Q: What's another way of saying "a pleaser"?
A: "Congratulations on your promotion."
J.T.: When you say that you're the type to keep your head down and do your work, I know you see this as a positive trait. But in today's world, being able to effectively connect and communicate with your colleagues is a very important part of staying employed. We must be able to proactively build relationships in order to be effective in teams. Going forward, I would suggest that you consider paying attention to the work styles of those around you and experimenting with your own style. It can make all the difference.
JEANINE "J.T." TANNER O'DONNELL is a professional development specialist. Dale Dauten resolves employment and other business disputes as a mediator. Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via e-mail, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 300 W. 57th St., 15th Floor, New York, NY 10019.