In the perpetually distressed city of Scranton, Da Peeple are held hostage by two separate yet equally exasperating groups: The police union, which protects and serves its interests at any cost, and the criminally inept officials and appointees who should wear masks when they pick up their paychecks. These are their stories. ...
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SCENE: Main Avenue in West Scranton, early afternoon.
BOB MARTIN, POLICE UNION PRESIDENT: "What do we have here, Rookie?"
ROOKIE: "Another loser with crack hidden up his keister. Third one this month. I was out jogging with Marty Flynn and I noticed this guy walking funny. Marty tripped over the guy, and the crack just popped out."
LT. MARTIN: "Great work! Way to take the initiative, especially considering you were off duty. I'll see you get a commendation for this."
ROOKIE: "Just doing my job, sir."
LT. MARTIN: "That's right. YOUR JOB. And because the union stood up for you against that grandstanding Chief Duffy, you can sleep soundly knowing there will always be crime ONLY YOU CAN FIGHT."
ROOKIE: "Yeah, I was just thinking about that. I'm new at this, but I don't see any difference between the bust I just made and what Chief Duffy did. He's gone now, but a chief is still a cop, right? Isn't the chief supposed to fight crime, too?"
LT. MARTIN: "I'm going to pretend you never said that. You've got a promising career going, kid. Be a shame if anything happened to it. By the way, are your union dues paid up?"
ROOKIE: "Uh, actually I'm a little short this month, but --"
LT. MARTIN: "Butts are for hiding crack, kid! You jog Marty on over to his lawyer's office and leave this to an old pro who knows what law and order in Scranton is really all about."
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SCENE: Mayor Chris Doherty's office, after a labor examiner sided with the union's contention that police chiefs in the city of Scranton are contractually obliged to stay behind a desk and off the street.
MR. DOHERTY: "What the hell happened with this Duffy thing?"
SOLICITOR PAUL KELLY: "Duffy thing? Oh that. Nothing to worry about, boss. Duffy resigned, so the unfair labor practice complaint is moot."
MR. DOHERTY: "But this story in The Times-Tribune says it's not only not moot, but that we lost. Again! It says the labor examiner warned you months ago that Duffy's departure would have no effect on his ruling. It says you chose not to show up for the hearing, that you didn't even bother to call Duffy to see if he wanted to testify."
MR. KELLY: "That newspaper never has anything positive to say. Did I show up for the hearing? No, but this thing was a loser from the start. Did I call Duffy? No. He moved on, and so should you. Come January 2014, you're outta here. What we should be focused on is more bond issues with extra attorney's fees. I've got my eye on a yacht. Play your cards right, and you can be my Gilligan."
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The news that the city's police union not only pushed but won its contractually sound and astonishingly petty fight to declare city police chiefs ineligible to fight crime should surprise no one who has been paying attention to the time-lapse suicide of Scranton. Neither should the administration's irresponsible failure to stand up for the management rights of the people, as theoretically exercised through elected officials.
Not so much a city as a graying host being bled dry by self-righteous vampires, Scranton now exists exclusively to provide sustenance to its employees - unionized, elected and appointed. Those who pay the bills are collateral damage. If voter turnout and public participation at city council meetings are any indication, the exploited masses are satisfied in this role, no matter how much they bellyache on bar stools and Internet message boards.
After then-Police Chief Duffy made a handful of arrests in 2011, the union filed a grievance arguing that crimefighting in Scranton is a union job. The grievance was not greeted warmly by a public who quickly came to see Chief Dan Duffy as a kind of superhero. He resigned in July to take a position at Lackawanna College, but the grievance remained active.
Early this month, a labor board examiner ruled in favor of the union. He really had no choice. Doherty administration solicitor Paul Kelly conceded the slim chance the city had by choosing not to show up for the hearing.
On Tuesday, Mr. Kelly said he would have had a weak case because Mr. Duffy might not have been available to testify, and anyway, he never bothered to ask.
"He's at Lackawanna College, and I'm going to ask him to take a day off to go to Harrisburg with me?" Mr. Kelly asked.
You really can't make this stuff up. When asked by this newspaper, Mr. Duffy said he would gladly have testified.
"If (Mr. Kelly) had asked, I would be obliged to go and I would have gone as an advocate of a pro-active policy," he said, adding, "I believe a police chief should actively show concern for the city and not be afraid to get involved on the streets."
Does that sound unavailable to you? I'd bet Mr. Duffy would have crawled to that hearing with Mr. Kelly on his back. The city probably would have lost, anyway, but at least Da Peeple's interests would have been represented. Some fights are worth fighting, even if there is next to no chance of winning.
Other fights are not worth fighting, even when victory seems inevitable. The police union had every legal right to push the Duffy grievance. It also had an opportunity to show that it stands for what it claims to be its top priorities - keeping the city safe and putting as many cops on the street as possible.
What the union's grievance and the city's failure to fight it reveal is a fundamental lack of understanding of what made Chief Duffy so popular: The guy came to work. He was determined to earn his pay, no matter how much noise the union made.
Chief Duffy led by example, something Scranton's management and unions seem unable or unwilling to do. Until that changes, the future will continue to be looted by pretenders who either don't see the consequences, or just don't care who they hurt.
SCENE: Main Avenue in West Scranton, circa 2020. All the businesses are boarded up. Most of the homes have been abandoned. Criminals are the only people who can afford to live in the city.
FUTURE LT.: "Why so glum, Rookie? With all this crime ONLY YOU CAN FIGHT, you should be raking it in!"
ROOKIE: "I haven't been paid in weeks, Sir! And what's the point of being out here, anyway? If there are no good people left to protect and serve, why bother fighting crime at all?"
FUTURE LT: "I understand your frustration, kid. I was a confused rookie once, too. I'll tell you what an old pro told me: Pay your dues and keep your mouth shut. And stay off the sidewalk, in case Marty Flynn jogs by."
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CHRIS KELLY, The Times-Tribune columnist, is a former union president. Contact the writer: kellysworld@timesshamrock.com, @cjkink on Twitter