Last of four parts
The two-page letter Tyaisha Leary carries is creased and worn, folded and tucked carefully into her purse.
It tells the story of three happy brothers going on fishing trips and playing Pee Wee football. She waits for the day she can read the letter to the arsonist who killed two of her sons and injured the third.
She wants William Robert Woods to know how much he took from her the night he set fire to her West Scranton home.
"I don't understand what could make a person be so hateful. I entrusted you with my most prized possessions, Nijea, Michael and Taevon," she reads as if to the man who changed her life.
"Though I am broken, you have not destroyed me. I wanted to wish you the same fate you bestowed upon my sons, but now I just pity you and hope God can forgive you."
Mr. Woods, Ms. Leary's ex-boyfriend, was convicted in October of setting the fire that killed Michael and Taevon Miles in July 2009. She carries the letter until she can read it to him at his sentencing.
Mr. Woods was found guilty of all 19 charges against him Oct. 11, including first- and second-degree murder and arson. He could be sentenced to life in prison without parole. The sentencing date has not been announced.
No matter how many years in prison Mr. Woods gets, Ms. Leary said she is serving a prison sentence of her own.
"I realized I started serving my life sentence three years ago. I started serving mine the day my kids died, the moment, the second they were gone, I started serving a life sentence," she said. "I'm in prison, too. I'm in a prison of emotional hell, emotional guilt."
Arson strikes
Ms. Leary remembers the night of the fire, the smothering smoke, the radiating wall of flame that stood between her and her middle child, Michael, who was calling for her as their home was reduced to ash.
"Until you're there and you hear your child call for you in a burning house, you just don't understand the kind of guilt that comes along with that. I feel so guilty that I couldn't save my kids," Ms. Leary said. "And I know it's not my fault and there's nothing that I could have done but I do, I really do. There's not a second that goes by that you don't feel guilty."
Teavon, her mischievous, honest, charismatic 9-year-old, was found dead in the home.
She remembers going to the emergency room in her pajamas and bare feet, a short time later crushed to find out Michael, a shy boy whose smile could light up a room, had died.
"It's just not fair. I won't get to see them graduate, get married, have kids - nothing." Ms. Leary said. "It's just hard watching their friends grow up, watching them get bigger and do things. It's not fair."
Her reaction is common among victims of disaster, especially victims of arson, who are harmed by someone's deliberate actions, said John Weaver, a disaster mental health volunteer with American Red Cross.
"Someone actually took steps for this to happen ... and that's harder to deal with. Sometimes, the recovery, rebuilding clock is slowed dramatically in this instance."
The time it takes to perform a full arson investigation can also slow the grieving process, Mr. Weaver said, especially when victims must wait to see their attacker brought to justice, if ever.
The investigation
As soon as she escaped from the house through a window and got to the ground, Ms. Leary said she knew who was responsible.
"I told them. I knew. I knew he did it," she said.
Mr. Woods wasn't charged with the arson and subsequent deaths until a year after the incident, a time Ms. Leary and her son spent in a women's shelter, with no place to go and fearing for their safety.
Anticipation and disappointment grew as the trial was delayed while investigators built their case against Mr. Woods. But throughout the process, arson investigators and the district attorney's office vowed to her they would get a conviction.
"They were very supportive and made sure they covered all their bases," Ms. Leary said. "They really did their jobs. They really pulled through. They promised me he would be convicted, and they didn't let me down."
Life after arson
Not every arson is as devastating as Mrs. Leary's, but loss is a familiar refrain for victims.
Some victims are temporarily displaced, have possessions destroyed or lose their homes.
But the loss of material things doesn't hurt nearly as much as the memories that are devoured by flames, said former Assistant District Attorney Maryann Grippo.
What victims miss most can't be replaced - wedding photos, trophies, toys and other mementos, she said.
"When you're talking about the impact on the victims, that's the stuff they talk about more than anything else," she said. "The stuff you always think back on is the not the stuff the insurance - if you're fortunate enough to have it - can replace."
Scranton Fire Inspector Martin Monahan agreed.
"You think about yourself. What if your house burns tomorrow and all your memories are gone?" Mr. Monahan said. "Everything that you've lived for and worked for your entire life is now in a pile of rubble. Now think about the person who actually went through it."
Scars you don't see
Not only are material possessions and cherished memories lost, arson leaves deep psychological scars.
Ms. Leary's surviving son, Nijea, now 15, is struggling to cope with the loss of his brothers. He doesn't like to talk about the fire, and sometimes lashes out, shouldering the family's loss on top of being a growing teenager.
Ms. Leary carries Nijea, Michael and Teavon with her at all times - with her living son's initials on a gold heart clasped around her neck, and the two youngest faces tattooed on her arms; their names scrawled on her legs.
It's a struggle every day to wake up and know she'll never see her sons grow into the men they wanted to be. It's a black cloud that hangs over her at work, at home and in rooms full of people where she still feels alone.
"All I wanted was to be a mother. And it's hard when someone destroys all you ever wanted," Ms. Leary said. "It's hard staying strong and going on, but you have to. I can't give up. If I give up and crumble, what kind of life will I have?"
Contact the writer: ksullivan@timesshamrock.com, @ksullivanTT on Twitter